Marriage: A School Of Sanctification
In May of this year, my husband Caleb and I will have been married for four years. That is surreal! Not only because the time has flown by so quickly, but also because we both still feel so young! On our wedding day, I was a whole 21 years old, while Caleb was just 19. To think that at 23 and 25 we already have four years of marriage to celebrate is simply incredible!
Fortunately for us, Caleb and I said “I do” surrounded by family, friends, and our church. Since that moment, we have not lacked support. Our marriage is prayed over, and our corner is filled with people cheering us on. We are so thankful for that!
Do we regret getting married young? Absolutely not! In fact, Caleb jokingly answered this question posed by a friend by saying, “I kinda wish we just got married sooner.” Of course, any sooner probably would have been crazy, but we both agree, being married to one another is the greatest gift God has supplied aside from our salvation (duh!).
A School of Sanctification
There are many sweet earthly benefits of marriage, companionship (perhaps our favorite!) not excluded. One benefit, though, which has occupied my mind as of late, goes beyond earthly comfort or gain, and extends into the realm of spiritual growth. While reading recently about women in church history, courtesy of Michael A. G. Haykin, I came across the life of Margaret Baxter and her marriage to the seventeenth century pastor, Richard Baxter. Haykin highlights these words from Baxter’s A Christian Dictionary:
“Conceal not the state of your souls, nor hide your faults from one another. You are as one flesh, and should have one heart: and as it is most dangerous for a man to be unknown to himself, so is it very hurtful to husband and wife to be unknown to one another, in those cases wherein they have need of help. It is foolish tenderness of yourselves, when you conceal your disease from your physician, or your helpful friend; and who should be so tender of you, and helpful to you, as you should be to one another? Indeed in some few cases, where the opening of a fault or secret will but tend to quench affection, and not to get assistance from another, it is wisdom to conceal it; but that is not the ordinary case. The opening your hearts to each other is necessary to your mutual help.”
If you are interested in reading more about the Baxters, I highly commend Haykin’s 8 Women of Faith to you. Their story is specifically shared in chapter two. The pair seemed an amusing match, and the tenderest of friends. Margaret herself may also have been quite the particular lady (which I am not familiar with at all).
Whether or not you read more about their story, it is clear in this simple quote that Baxter rightly understood the value of “bearing one’s soul” to another. I love his words as he says, “Conceal not the state of your soul, nor hide your faults from one another.” Why does he write that we should avoid this? Because, “You are one flesh and should have one heart.”
At the moment of our marriage, Caleb and I became one. We committed to sharing all that we are with one another. Specifically, our vows stated, “All I am, and all I have, I give to you for your benefit.” There is nothing that is outside of the bounds of Caleb’s observation, whether that be finances, communication with others, etc. I committed to sharing all that I have and all that I am with him, and that is not simply so that he may maintain a sense of jurisdiction. No, I share all that I am because we are no longer two who live, but one, and this is of great gain!
Caleb is my companion, my helpful friend who compassionately, yet edifyingly corrects me when I am in need of correction. Of course, correction is not always appropriately received on either end of the marriage, but in the end marriage is faithful to deliver a slice of humble pie, which when rightly received, even if a bit belated, always results in the betterment of the other. I am a better wife, friend, and woman because of Caleb O’Neel and this school of sanctification called marriage.
As Valentines Day approaches, and love itself is celebrated in public view, it is my prayer and my challenge to us all, whether current or future wives, that we grow in recognizing our spouse as a tender and helpful friend who offers his aid for our personal flourishing and spiritual growth. Likewise, it is my prayer and encouragement that we will, ourselves, similarly offer our aid to him in a spirit of compassionate and inspiring correction. Love and marriage are gifts worth celebrating, and I am thankful for these gifts today.
